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ik naz^ar khanumaaN barbaad peh Dalee jae'e.
Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:09 pm
by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
moHtaram khawateen-o-HaZ^raat. aadaab!
abhee abhee khuch she'er ho gae'e haiN. jo pesh-e-khidmat haiN.
un ke kuche meN nah ab koe'ee sawalee jae'e
balkeh yeh rasm-e-gadae'ee hee uTha lee jae'e.
nah teree zulf ka kham door huwa hai ab tak
aor nah hee meree zanjeer sambhalee jae'e.
maiN purastish keliye but nah bana looN tera
jo hai deewaar peh taSweer jala lee jae'e.
shiddat-e-dhoop se jal jae'e nah dhartee meree
teree zulfooN kee ghaRee bhar ko ghaTa lee jae'e.
jahaaN aazadee-e-iz^haar peh pehrah nah ho
aese ik sheher kee bun´yaad bhee Dalee jae'e.
mujhe jina hai muHabbat meN ya marna hoga?
mere Haq meN bhee koee faal nikaalee jae'e.
daolat-e-Husn peh Haq hai tere diwane ka
ise kashkool meN Dalo keh sawalee jae'e.
jene marne kee qasam aaj bharee meHfil meN
rubaru mere raqeebooN ke bhee kha lee jae'e.
u'mr bhar z^ulmat-e-taqdeer meN bhaTka hooN maiN
aek shamma' meree turbat peh jala lee jae'e.
mut^mae'n ho geya ghar baar luTa kar kesa
ik naZ^ar kha´numaN barbaad peh Dalee jae'e.
koee iqraar hai wa'dah hai nah ummeed ab ke
woh nah aaeeN ge magar bazm saja lee jae'e.
za'm hai jin ko khuda hone ka is dunya meN (za'm= gumaan+z^an+Ghuroor)
un se yeh mumlikat-o-taajwaree lee jae'e.
maiN qareeb aaya hooN yeh soch ke ae jan-e-man
keh tera koee bhee ab waar nah khalee nae'e.
aa'o yeh t^e kareeN jab dard uThe seene meN
ashk aaNkhooN meN sajaeeN nah dawa lee jae'e.
sochta rehta hooN yeh beTha qafas meN hamdam
tujh se milne kee koee rah nikalee jae'e.
muSHaf-e-rukh kee yeh ra'naaee to dekho imshab. (imshab=aaj kee raat)(muSHaf=SaHifah+ketam)
do ghaRee ko nah nigeh yaar peh Dalee jae'e. (nigeh=nigaah+naz^ar)
saNg girne lage aaNgan meN to yeh socha hai
jis qadar jald ho deewaar uTha lee jae'e.
jaag uTThe ga muz^affar ka muqaddar pal meN
ik naz^ar chehrah-e-beemaar peh Dalee jae'e.
shukria
Bahut khoob, waah waah
Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:04 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT
un ke kuche meN nah ab koe'ee sawalee jae'e
balkeh yeh rasm-e-gadae'ee hee uTha lee jae'e.
Achcha maTlaA hei. Iskaa mafhoom bhi vaaZeh hei lekin khilaaf-e-Aql o naql hei. Bandah jo muHtaaj hei, rasm-e-gadaayi ko hii khatm karne per kaise zour de saktaa hei.
nah teree zulf ka kham door huwa hai ab tak
aor nah hee meree zanjeer sambhalee jae'e.
Doosra miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei jisko aap yooN karsakte heiN:
aur nah hee mujh se yeh zaneer sanbhaalee jaa'e
Achchaa sheAr hei.
maiN purastish keliye but nah bana looN tera
jo hai deewaar peh taSweer jala lee jae'e.
Is sheAr ki ibaarat vaaZeH nahiN hei. Meri nazar meiN isko yooN karnaa behtar hei:
kyaa agr teri parastish nahiN hougi mujh se
jo hei deewaar peh taSweer jala li jaa'e.
shiddat-e-dhoop se jal jae'e nah dhartee meree
teree zulfooN kee ghaRee bhar ko ghaTa lee jae'e.
Ibaarat ke liHaaz se, meri nazar meiN doosraa misraA yooN hou to behtar hei:
kiyuN nah zulfaoN ki tiri, bheegi ghaTaa lee jaa'e.
jahaaN aazadee-e-iz^haar peh pehrah nah ho
aese ik sheher kee bun´yaad bhee Dalee jae'e.
Pahle miSreA meiN aek lafz "hi" iZaafah karleejiye to vazn meiN aajaayegaa:
jahaaN aazaadee-e-izhaar peh pahrah hi nah ho
mujhe jina hai muHabbat meN ya marna hoga?
mere Haq meN bhee koee faal nikaalee jae'e.
doosre miSreA meiN "faal" ko aap ne mu'annac isteAmaal kiyaa hei jabkeh aSl lafz muzakkar hei. Is sheAr per aap khud nazar-e-caani karleejiye.
daolat-e-Husn peh Haq hai tere diwane ka
ise kashkool meN Dalo keh sawalee jae'e.
Is sheAr meiN shutr gurbah hei. Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "tire" ki munaasibat se doosre miSreA meiN "Daalo" nahiN juch saktaa. Dobaarah ghaur keejiye.
jene marne kee qasam aaj bharee meHfil meN
rubaru mere raqeebooN ke bhee kha lee jae'e.
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "aaj" ki bajaaye agar aap "saath" isteAmaal kareN to sheAr vaaZeH houjaayegaa:
jeene marne kee qasam saath, bhari meHfil meiN
u'mr bhar z^ulmat-e-taqdeer meN bhaTka hooN maiN
aek shamma' meree turbat peh jala lee jae'e.
Is sheAr ko yooN kardeejiye to ziyaadah vaaZeH houjaayeg:
u'mr bhar z^ulmat-e-taqdeer meN bhaTka hooN bahut meree turbat peh bhee ik shamA jala lee jae'e.
mut^mae'n ho geya ghar baar luTa kar kesa
ik naZ^ar kha´numaN barbaad peh Dalee jae'e.
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "kesa" ki bajaaye "kaise" behtar hei jo zarf (adverb) hei. SheAr achchaa hei. Waah waah.
koee iqraar hai wa'dah hai nah ummeed ab ke
woh nah aaeeN ge magar bazm saja lee jae'e.
Achcha sheAr hei.
[u[za'm hai jin ko khuda hone ka is dunya meN (za'm= gumaan+z^an+Ghuroor)
un se yeh mumlikat-o-taajwaree lee jae'e. [/u]
Is sheAr meiN qaafiyah mukhtalif hugayaa hei aur mafhoom bhi vaaZeh nahiN housakaa kiyunkeh aap doosre miSreA meiN "cheen li jaaye" ko Sirf "lee jaa'e" se ada karnaa chaahte heiN.
maiN qareeb aaya hooN yeh soch ke ae jan-e-man
keh tera koee bhee ab waar nah khalee jae'e.
Achcha sheAr hei. Waah waah.
aa'o yeh t^e kareeN jab dard uThe seene meN
ashk aaNkhooN meN sajaeeN nah dawa lee jae'e.
sakht imtiHaan kaa sheAr hei. Achchaa hei.
sochta rehta hooN yeh beTha qafas meN hamdam
tujh se milne kee koee rah nikalee jae'e.
Yeh sheAr bhi bahut achcha hei. Waah waah.
muSHaf-e-rukh kee yeh ra'naaee to dekho imshab. (imshab=aaj kee raat)(muSHaf=SaHifah+ketam)
do ghaRee ko nah nigeh yaar peh Dalee jae'e. (nigeh=nigaah+naz^ar)
Achcha sheAr hei.
saNg girne lage aaNgan meN to yeh socha hai
jis qadar jald ho deewaar uTha lee jae'e.
MaAnavi liHaaz se is sheAr meiN thouRaa saa ibhaam paidaa hurahaa hei. Pahle miSreA meiN vazaahut kii gayi hei ke aaNgan meiN saNg girne lage heiN to yeh souchaa hei. Phir doosre miSreA meiN deewaar uThaali jaaye kehne se yeh samajh meiN nahiN aataa ke deewaar kahaaN uThaali jaaye. Jo aane waale patharaoN ko rouk sake gi. Dekhne meiN sheAr bahut hi achchaa maAloom houtaa hei.
jaag uTThe ga muz^affar ka muqaddar pal meN
ik naz^ar chehrah-e-beemaar peh Dalee jae'e.
MaqTaA bahut hi achchaa hei. Waah waah, kyaa kehne.
-------
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
aadaab!
Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 6:05 pm
by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
moHtaram Janab Abdulallah Nazir SaHeb
aadaab!
kese mizaaj haiN khuda kare keh aap kheriyat se hooN.
aap ka be Had mamnoon hooN. keh aap ne apnee maSrufiyat meN se
a'ajiz ke liye waqt nikala aor mujhe shukria ada karne ka maoqa'h diya.
Ghazal ko Hasb-e-iSlaH bana leeya hai. lafz^ "faal" ko maiN ne dekha hai.
jo ferooz-ul-luGhaat SafaHh 923 ke mut^abiq maonac likha howa hai.
lekin aap kee shahadat ko zeyadah qawee kheyaal karta hooN.
aakhir meN dobarah aap ka shikria ada karte huwe ijazat chahooN ga.
khuda Hafiz^
khadim
muz^affar
Aap ka kehnaa durust hei
Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 6:24 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Mujh se harzah saraayi hougayi jo maiN ne mandarja-e-zeil ibaarat likhkhi:
mujhe jina hai muHabbat meN ya marna hoga?
mere Haq meN bhee koee faal nikaalee jae'e.
doosre miSreA meiN "faal" ko aap ne mu'annac isteAmaal kiyaa hei jabkeh aSl lafz muzakkar hei. Is sheAr per aap khud nazar-e-caani karleejiye.
jee haaN lafz "faal" mu'annac hi hei. Koii aisi lughat nahiN jis meiN muzakkar likhkhaa houaa houj.
MaiN is ghalaTi ke liye nah Sirf aap se balke saare qaar'eieen se MuAafi chahtaa hooN aur aayindah ujlat se gurez karungaa.
Shukriyah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir,
Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 4:45 am
by Sarwar A. Raz
janaab Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab
18 ash,a'ar? bhaayee! kis ke paas waqt hai keh itnee lambee Ghazal par baa-ma'nee tabSirah kare gaa? bohat muKhtaSar likh`taa hooN. dekh`ne meN harj naheeN hai!
----------------------
un ke kuche meN nah ab koe'ee sawalee jae'e
balkeh yeh rasm-e-gadae'ee hee uTha lee jae'e.
achh`aa she'r hai. :bal.k: ko :kyoN nah: se badal kar dekh` leN.
--------------------------
nah teree zulf ka kham door huwa hai ab tak
aor nah hee meree zanjeer sambhalee jae'e.
doosraa miSra' wazn se Khaarij hai. yooN kar deN:
aur nah hee mujh` se yeh zanjeer-------
----------------------------
maiN purastish keliye but nah bana looN tera
jo hai deewaar peh taSweer jala lee jae'e.
is she'r par naz^ar-e-caanee kar leejiYe taa.k nafs-e-maZ^moon waaZ^eH ho jaaYe.
------------------------
shiddat-e-dhoop se jal jae'e nah dhartee meree
teree zulfooN kee ghaRee bhar ko ghaTa lee jae'e.
:shiddat-e-dh`oop: Ghalat^ tarkeeb hai. Hairat hai keh Nazir SaaHeb ne is ko naheeN dekh`aa. yooN sochiYe:
garmee-e-i'shq se jal jaaYe nah meree dh`artee
do gh`aRee zulf kee teree yeh gh`aTaa lee jaaYe
----------------------------
jahaaN aazadee-e-iz^haar peh pehrah nah ho
aese ik sheher kee bun´yaad bhee Dalee jae'e.
:nah: ko :naa: paRhne se bachne ke liYe :pehrah: ke ba'd :hee: likh` deejiYe to behtar hai.
----------------------------
mujhe jina hai muHabbat meN ya marna hoga?
mere Haq meN bhee koee faal nikaalee jae'e.
"yaa" ko :keh: kar deejiYe. she'r kee bunat achh`ee hai.
---------------------------
daolat-e-Husn peh Haq hai tere diwane ka
ise kashkool meN Dalo keh sawalee jae'e.
aap ke beshtar maZ^aameen kee t^araH yeh bh`ee kam-acar hai. Khair:
ise -----------> Daalo
Daalo----------> kuch` to
-------------------------------------
jene marne kee qasam aaj bharee meHfil meN
rubaru mere raqeebooN ke bhee kha lee jae'e.
she'r Theek hai aur Ghazal ke u'moomee raNg kaa hai.
-----------------------------
u'mr bhar z^ulmat-e-taqdeer meN bhaTka hooN maiN
aek shamma' meree turbat peh jala lee jae'e.
aap ne :shama': ko :shammaa: baaNdh`aa hai jo Ghalat^ hai. donoN miSro'N kaa rabt^ z^aahir naheeN hai. aap agar :zulmat-e-taqdeer: meN haiN to turbat peh shama' jalaane se kyaa ho gaa? meraa Khayaal hai keh ek baar ph`ir sochnaa chaahiYe.
------------------------
mut^mae'n ho geya ghar baar luTa kar kesa
ik naZ^ar kha´numaN barbaad peh Dalee jae'e.
----------------------------
koee iqraar hai wa'dah hai nah ummeed ab ke
woh nah aaeeN ge magar bazm saja lee jae'e.
ab ke--------> hai ab?
---------------------------
za'm hai jin ko khuda hone ka is dunya meN
un se yeh mumlikat-o-taajwaree lee jae'e.
yeh she'r Ghalat^ hai. qaafiyah dekh` leN aur mat^lab bh`ee.
-----------------------
maiN qareeb aaya hooN yeh soch ke ae jan-e-man
keh tera koee bhee ab waar nah khalee nae'e.
aa'o yeh t^e kareeN jab dard uThe seene meN
ashk aaNkhooN meN sajaeeN nah dawa lee jae'e.
--------------------------------------
sochta rehta hooN yeh beTha qafas meN hamdam
tujh se milne kee koee rah nikalee jae'e.
jab aap qafas meN band haiN to aap ke iKhtiyaar meN kyaa hai jo aap raah nikaaleN ge? ph`ir socheN?
yeh baiThaa qafas meN-----------> maiN shaam-o-saHar yeh
------------------------------
muSHaf-e-rukh kee yeh ra'naae to dekho imshab.
do ghaRee ko nah nigeh yaar peh Dalee jae'e.
ruKh--------> Husn
:yeh: nikaal deN?
ik gh`aRee bh`ee nah naz^ar yaar peh Daalee jaaYe??
---------------------------
saNg girne lage aaNgan meN to yeh socha hai
jis qadar jald ho deewaar uTha lee jae'e.
:saNg girte: naheeN :saNg aate: haiN. doosree baat yeh keh agar aaNgan hai to deewaar bh`ee ho gee! so ab woh kahaaN uThaayee jaa rahee hai?
saNg aane lage--------------
aur ooNchee koyee deewaar --------------
---------------------------------
jaag uTThe ga muz^affar ka muqaddar pal meN
ik naz^ar chehrah-e-beemaar peh Dalee jae'e.
------------------------------------------
majmoo,e'e t^aur se Ghazal ne muta,accir naheeN kiyaa. agar aap kam ash,a'ar kaheN lekin meHnat se kaheN to kaheeN behtar keh sakte haiN.
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Sarwar SaaHib ki raaye bajaa hei
Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 11:54 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Agar mujhe maAloom houtaa ke mere ilaawah bhi koii aapki ghazal per tabSirah karne waale heiN tou mere likhne ki koii Zaroorat nah thii. Jab maiN ne dekhaa ke aapki ghazal per taqreeban 1 hafteh se kisi ne kuch bhi nahiN likhkhaa to maiN ne koushish kii.
Sarwar SaaHib ne jo nukaat bayaan kiye heiN wo bilkul SaHeeH heiN. KhaaS Taur per unkaa kehnaa:
shiddat-e-dhoop se jal jae'e nah dhartee meree
teree zulfooN kee ghaRee bhar ko ghaTa lee jae'e.
:shiddat-e-dh`oop: Ghalat^ tarkeeb hai. Hairat hai keh Nazir SaaHeb ne is ko naheeN dekh`aa. yooN sochiYe:
Jee haaN meri nazar se yeh tarkeeb chupi nahiN thi lekin aapke itne ziyaadah ashAar per sair-HaaSil tabSirah karne ke liye mere paas waqt nahiN thaa aur mujhe yeh bhi eHsaas hei ke Sarwar SaaHib bhi apni aaraa se aagaah karte karte thak gaye aur khaaTirkhwaah tabsirah nahiN karsake.
Aise kaamaoN ke liye Sirf maiN rehgayaa hooN. Kabhi kabhar aek do ghazlaoN per tabSirah karnaa houtaa to koii baat nahiN thii. Aisi Haalat meiN ujlat ki vajah se ghair mutavaqqiA ghalatiyaoN kaa imkaan houtaa hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.