• PARWEEN SHAKIR KI NAZR...

Posted: **Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:27 am**

GHAZAL KE SHAIDAYION KO SALAAM.

Late Parween Shakir is my ideal poet. I luv her ghazals. Unki hi zameen pe ek ghazal...khiraz-e-aqeedat ke tor par....pesh karne ki saa'dat haasil kar raha hoon.

Ab faisla aap log karenge ke main kahan tak kaamyaab hoa hoon.

Duaon ka taalib,

aap ka apna

Munir Armaan Nasimi

Ghazal
1-Bhool jaauN maiN adaa kaise us harjaayi ki
Jis ne khushboo ki TaraH meri pazeeraayi ki

2-Yaad jab uski chali aayi miri raahaoN meiN
Laaj rakhli hei usi ne miri tanhaayi ki

3-Aise ujRaa hei tire baAd mire dil kaa jahaaN
Achchi lagti nahiN aavaaz bhi shehnaayi ki

4-dauRjaati hei laher si mire dil ke andur
yaad jab aati hei us shoukh ki angRaayi ki

5-khoon-e-dil apnaa pilaayaa jo ghazal ko maiN ne
tab kahiN jaake zamaane ne pazeerayi ki

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N.B.: MOHTARAM ABDULLAH NAZIR BHAI JAAN SE GUZARISH HAI KE MERI GHAZAL MAIN AGAR KOI NUQS HO TO SAAF KAR DEIN, NAWAZISH HOGI.

Posted: **Fri Apr 28, 2006 12:37 pm**

MuHtarami
Munir ArmaN nasimi SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

Ghazal
1-Bhool jaauN maiN adaa kaise us harjaayi ki
Jis ne khushboo ki TaraH meri pazeeraayi ki

Pahlaa miSraA lafz "us" ki vajah se be-beHr hourahaa hei kiyuNkeh Harf "seen" adaa nahiN hou paarahaa hei. Doosra miSraA pahle miSreA meiN "us" kaa muHtaaj hei. Is liye poore maTleA per bayak waqt nazar Daalni chaahiye.
Filwaqt pahle miSreA ko yooN karsakte heiN:
MaiN adaa kaise bhulaadooN usi herjaayi ki

2-Yaad jab uski chali aayi miri raahaoN meiN
Laaj rakhli hei usi ne miri tanhaayi ki

SheAr achcha hei. Bahut khoob.

3-Aise ujRaa hei tire baAd mire dil kaa jahaaN
Achchi lagti nahiN aavaaz bhi shehnaayi ki

Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "bhi" ghair Zaroori hei jo Sirf miSreA ke vazn ko pooraa karrahaa hei. Ibaarat ke liHaaz se poochaa jaasaktaa hei "shehnaayi ki aur kaunsi cheez hei jo achchi nahiN lagti".
Doosre miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
heich lagti hei Sadaa madbhari shehnaayi ki
Agar lafz "bhi" ko nazar andaaz kardiyaa jaaye to bahut hi achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

4-dauRjaati hei laher si mire dil ke andur
yaad jab aati hei us shoukh ki angRaayi ki

Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "lehr" ko aap ne leher isteAmaal kiyaa hei jo ghalaT hei.
Pahle miSreA ko yooN kersakte heiN:
dauRjaati hei koii lehr si mere dil meiN

5-khoon-e-dil apnaa pilaayaa jo ghazal ko maiN ne
tab kahiN jaake zamaane ne pazeerayi ki

MaqTaA bahut khoob hei. Waah waah. Aapke liye aek baat Arz kartaa chaluN. (go keh bilkul SaHeeH ibaarat hei phir bhi is Tarah ke alfaaz se gurez kiyaa kareN "zamaane ne")

Mazeed yeh ke meri aaraa se aapka muttafiq hounaa Zaroori nahiN.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Posted: **Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:53 am**

BEHAD SHUKR GUZAAR HOON BHAI JAAN. Main aap ki har baat se ittefaq rakhta hoon aur Insa'Allah... koshish karoonga ke aur bhi achcha kahoon.

Duaon ka taalib,

aap ka apna

Munir Armaan Nasimi

PARWEEN SHAKIR KI NAZR...

PARWEEN SHAKIR KI NAZR...

Bahut khoob, waah waah