• Ghazal: Kyaa rang mere...

Posted: **Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:48 pm**

Yaaraan-e-bazm,
Aadaab!
Ek aur ghazal sar-e-bazm kahne kii himmat kar rahaa hooN.
Pesh-e-khidmat hai:

Kyaa rang mere qatl ke jalse meN aaj thaa

kyaa rang mere qatl ke jalse meN aaj thaa
bismil to waqt-e-marg bhi aashiq mizaaj thaa

nashtar banii tabiib ka, shamshiir-e-ghair, tuu
warnah ye dard-e-zeest miraa laa ilaaj thaa

duniyaa ke kyaa tariiq-e-nawaazish, na puuchhiye!
kaaNtoN bharaa maseeH ke maathey ka taaj thaa!

baaqii to soo-e-dasht chaley, josh-e-ishq meN,
lagtaa hai, maiN hi ghaafil-e-rasm-o-riwaaj thaa.

dil pheNk kar, tu unsey wafaa chaahtaa hai kyoN?
jo mil gayaa thaa muft meN woh laa khiraaj thaa.

taaqat dam-e-Habeeb ki dekho ke kis taraH,
aek aah meN bujhaa jo, "Munawwar" siraaj thaa.
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ghazal paRheN aur isey apne fikr-o-khayaal se nawaazeN.
taali ho yaa gaali ho, be jhijhak bayaaN kareN... ;D

khair andesh,
Bhaswar Dasgupta "Munawwar"

Posted: **Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:18 pm**

MuHtarami
Munawwar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut achchi hei jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayhiye. Aayindah bhi isi TaraH se apne dilkash kalaam se navaazte rehiye.

MULAAHIZAAT;

kyaa rang mere qatl ke jalse meN aaj thaa
bismil to waqt-e-marg bhi aashiq mizaaj thaa

Bahut achchaa maTlaA hei. Mafhoom poori TaraH vaaZeh hourahaa hei aur qaabil-e-daad hei. Is liye yeh zaroori nahiN ke maiN aap se kahooN ke agar pahlaa miSraA yooN hutaa tou behtar thaa:
kyaa rang mere qatl kaa maqtal meiN aaj thaa{/u]

nashtar banii tabiib ka, shamshiir-e-ghair, tuu
warnah ye dard-e-zeest miraa laa ilaaj thaa

aap ne bahut achche andaaz meiN shamsheer-e-ghair se istifaadah kiyaa hei ke wo kisi aur qaSd se isteAmaal kii gayi thii lekin aapke liye faayida-mand caabit houi. Bahut khoob, waah waah.

duniyaa ke kyaa tariiq-e-nawaazish, na puuchhiye!
kaaNtoN bharaa maseeH ke maathey ka taaj thaa!

Is sheAr se yooN meHsoos houtaa hei ke aapkaa kinaayah kisi khaaS Haalat ki Taraf hei jisko her qaari aasaani se nahiN samajh saktaa. BaharHaal, sheAr achchaa hei.

baaqii to soo-e-dasht chaley, josh-e-ishq meN,
lagtaa hai, maiN hi ghaafil-e-rasm-o-riwaaj thaa.

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

dil pheNk kar, tu unsey wafaa chaahtaa hai kyoN?
jo mil gayaa thaa muft meN woh laa khiraaj thaa.

Is sheAr meiN laa-kharaaj thaa se aap yeh maAni le rehe heiN ke usko koii cheez adaa karne kii Zaroorat nahiN thii. Manavi liHaaz se sheAr achchaa hei.

taaqat dam-e-Habeeb ki dekho ke kis taraH,
aek aah meN bujhaa jo, "Munawwar" siraaj thaa.

MaqtaA bhi achcha hei.

Umooman, majmooAi Taur per aapki ghazal bahut achchi hei jo mujhe bahut pasand aayi.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Posted: **Tue Mar 28, 2006 6:41 pm**

Nazir saahab,
Aap ne jo meri ghazal kii tashreeH farmaayi, wo bilkul saHeeH hai. Mujhe behad BEHAD khushii hai ke aapne merii ghazal pasand kii. Teesre sher meiN MaseeH se merii nishaandehii ibn-e-Mareeyam, Iisaa MaseeH kii taraf thii. Unke qatl ke waqt, unheN kaaNtoN ke taaj se 'nawaazaa' gayaa thaa, jis ko shaayar ne duniyaa kii nawaazish ke tareeqoN kii nazeer ke taur par dikhaayaa hai.

Aapkaa bahut nahut shukriyah.
Munawwar

Posted: **Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:32 pm**

Sara jii,

Ghazal kii pasandeedagii kaa bahut bahut shukriyah.

Khush raheN,
Munawwar