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aatish e zakhm e jigar e unheiN paala poosa
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 7:34 am
by Mahtab Qadr
aik taza ghazal ke kuch sher aapki tahzeebi sarfarazioN ki nazr, umeed ke apni aara se nawaeiNge.
shukria
yoN to chahra pas e chahra kai chahre nikley
seedhe sadoN se milay zakhm bhi gahre nikley
aatish e zakhm e jigar ne unheiN paala poosa
kundan e gham se jo nikle to sunehre nilkey
sach gawaahi ko tha bechaain magar kia karte
maslihat ke dar e ekhlaas pe pahre nikley
zindagai aik safar aur , saraaye dunyaa
chalte chalte zara kuch dair ko tahre, nikley
kan dharta tha bhala kaun meri batoN par
maiN jinheiN haal sunaata rahaa, bahre nikle
Bahut khoob
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:44 pm
by Abdullah Nazir
Janab Mahtaab Qadr Saahib,
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Waah waah bahut khoob. Aap ne mukhtasar sii hii sahi lekin bahut achchi ghazal kahi hei. Baquul Allamah Iqbal ke:
"dil se jou baat nikalti hei acar rakthti hei
per nahiN Taaqat-e-parvaaz magar rakhti hei."
Jaisaa ke mujhe aap ne telephone per bataayaa, aakhiri sheAr meiN kuch
kamzouri paidaa hougaii hei jo yooN hei:
kan dharta tha bhala kaun fasaane pe mere
maiN jinheiN haal sunaaya wahi bahre nikle
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "fasaane" aur doosre meiN lafz "wuhii" iska sabab heiN. Meri nazar meiN behtar hei keh is sheAr ko yooN kardiyaa jaaye:
kaan dhartaa thaa bhalaa kaun mire roune per
maiN jinheN Haal sunaataa rahaa, behre nikle.
Yeh meri dakhl-andaazi nahiN balkeh aek doustaanah raaye hei. Mujhe maAloom hei keh aap is sheAr ko aur bhii behtar banaasakte heiN.
Aakhir meiN, meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Aapkaa Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Re: aatish e zakhm e jigar e unheiN paala poosa
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:59 pm
by najma
Mahtab Qadr wrote:aik taza ghazal ke kuch sher aapki tahzeebi sarfarazioN ki nazr, umeed ke apni aara se nawaeiNge.
shukria
yoN to chahra pas e chahra kai chahre nikley
seedhe sadoN se milay zakhm bhi gahre nikley
aatish e zakhm e jigar ne unheiN paala poosa
kundan e gham se jo nikle to sunehre nilkey
sach gawaahi ko tha bechaain magar kia karte
maslihat ke dar e ekhlaas pe pahre nikley
zindagai aik safar aur , saraaye dunyaa
chalte chalte zara kuch dair ko tahre, nikley
kan dharta tha bhala kaun fasaane pe mere
maiN jinheiN haal sunaaya wahi bahre nikle
janab mahtab qadr sahib
aadaab
apka kalaam bohat pasand ayaa.
masha allaah har she,r khoob hay
maqt,a is zara see tabdeelee ke ba,d bohat umdau hay, waah waah
hamari janib se dilii daad qubool farmaiyye
khair andesh
najma
shukria
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:46 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Abdullah bhai aapki mushfiqaana raye aur qeemti tabsire ne mera dil barha dia hai, Allah aapko Jaza e khair de. aapki ata karda raye ke mutabiq misre mai tabdeeli aachuki hai. shukria
niazmand
Mahtab Qadr
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:48 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Najma bahen aapki inayatoN ke lye behad mashkoor hoN ke aap ne adabi hausla afzai farmai. shukria
Mahtab Qadr