aatish e zakhm e jigar e unheiN paala poosa

[Mahtab Qadr]

aik taza ghazal ke kuch sher aapki tahzeebi sarfarazioN ki nazr, umeed ke apni aara se nawaeiNge.
shukria

yoN to chahra pas e chahra kai chahre nikley
seedhe sadoN se milay zakhm bhi gahre nikley

aatish e zakhm e jigar ne unheiN paala poosa
kundan e gham se jo nikle to sunehre nilkey

sach gawaahi ko tha bechaain magar kia karte
maslihat ke dar e ekhlaas pe pahre nikley

zindagai aik safar aur , saraaye dunyaa
chalte chalte zara kuch dair ko tahre, nikley

kan dharta tha bhala kaun meri batoN par
maiN jinheiN haal sunaata rahaa, bahre nikle

[Abdullah Nazir]

Janab Mahtaab Qadr Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Waah waah bahut khoob. Aap ne mukhtasar sii hii sahi lekin bahut achchi ghazal kahi hei. Baquul Allamah Iqbal ke:

"dil se jou baat nikalti hei acar rakthti hei
per nahiN Taaqat-e-parvaaz magar rakhti hei."

Jaisaa ke mujhe aap ne telephone per bataayaa, aakhiri sheAr meiN kuch
kamzouri paidaa hougaii hei jo yooN hei:

kan dharta tha bhala kaun fasaane pe mere
maiN jinheiN haal sunaaya wahi bahre nikle

Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "fasaane" aur doosre meiN lafz "wuhii" iska sabab heiN. Meri nazar meiN behtar hei keh is sheAr ko yooN kardiyaa jaaye:

kaan dhartaa thaa bhalaa kaun mire roune per
maiN jinheN Haal sunaataa rahaa, behre nikle.

Yeh meri dakhl-andaazi nahiN balkeh aek doustaanah raaye hei. Mujhe maAloom hei keh aap is sheAr ko aur bhii behtar banaasakte heiN.

Aakhir meiN, meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapkaa Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[najma]

aik taza ghazal ke kuch sher aapki tahzeebi sarfarazioN ki nazr, umeed ke apni aara se nawaeiNge.
shukria

yoN to chahra pas e chahra kai chahre nikley
seedhe sadoN se milay zakhm bhi gahre nikley

aatish e zakhm e jigar ne unheiN paala poosa
kundan e gham se jo nikle to sunehre nilkey

sach gawaahi ko tha bechaain magar kia karte
maslihat ke dar e ekhlaas pe pahre nikley

zindagai aik safar aur , saraaye dunyaa
chalte chalte zara kuch dair ko tahre, nikley

kan dharta tha bhala kaun fasaane pe mere
maiN jinheiN haal sunaaya wahi bahre nikle

janab mahtab qadr sahib

aadaab

apka kalaam bohat pasand ayaa.

masha allaah har she,r khoob hay

maqt,a is zara see tabdeelee ke ba,d bohat umdau hay, waah waah

hamari janib se dilii daad qubool farmaiyye

khair andesh

najma

[Mahtab Qadr]

Abdullah bhai aapki mushfiqaana raye aur qeemti tabsire ne mera dil barha dia hai, Allah aapko Jaza e khair de. aapki ata karda raye ke mutabiq misre mai tabdeeli aachuki hai. shukria
niazmand
Mahtab Qadr

[Mahtab Qadr]

Najma bahen aapki inayatoN ke lye behad mashkoor hoN ke aap ne adabi hausla afzai farmai. shukria
Mahtab Qadr